death
Monday, April 24, 2006, 12:11 PM
Finally it defeated her
After a week of battling it, it finally defeated her.
And then it embraced her with open arms.
Should i be happy for her or should i be angry with her for losing the battle against death?
In a way i am happy for her coz' she doesn't need to suffer any longer. But i'm also angry with her for leaving her loved ones...including myself. Life wouldn't be the same again, do you realise granny?
And all of these had to happen on an unfaithful thursday morning. You seemed to be fine the day before when i visited you. Then why the sudden upturn? I would have been glad if you were to at least look at me and smile at me, when i was there. At least i know that i had been granted to see you happy even if it was for the last time.
Even when i came to know about your death i wasn't sad. I was more relief...and nervous when i knew about it. No, don't get me wrong. Relief in another words, glad to know all your suffereings had come to an end. But a small part of me was in fact upset that you have parted from this world to your afterlife.
I know death is something everyone will have to face some day, but i still can't accept the fact that you left. Hn.. is it my fault for not being understanding? You were there for me everytime when i needed you, after all...you seemed to.. be always there. And now that i know that you wouldn't be anymore, it somehow sounds to ridiculous to me.. "Heh...that's life," you would have told me, wouldn't you?
After your departure from this world, things have been very different...at least for me.. If i was quiet then, then i'm quieter now. I've said this before i guess, but no harm repeating, now is there? My smiles, my laughters, my giggles...everything of it are nothing but pretense... A mere facade to the outside world, just to impress some people out there.
Sigh am i living for myself or for other people? I'm also having doubts on that..... All in all..... life sucks.
Music Overload
Thinking Cap
If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?
The bitch
Khairunnisa Elias
31.08.1988
19
Jam that Jukebox
