things gonna change
Tuesday, April 18, 2006, 3:15 PM
I know ithas been more than a month since i update. I'm sorry is all that i can say.
Hols weren't one of the best times of of my life. It would have been if it wasn't for certain things to go wrong. Very wrong. You might be wondering if it was because of overexerting myself to work. Heh, no it isn't.
My friends had been wondering about my absence during the hols. They tried to keep in touch with me but i didn't even try to. No, i don't blame them if they were to drift apart from me. It was my fault from the beginning. No outings with them, no phone calls, nothing.
My so called holiday went well until the last week. Just a phone call and things changed.
First time was i ever going to face death of my loved one. I know one day everyone will have to face death and embrace it. I know that. But no matter how many times i tell myself this it only stirs more uneasy emotions within myself.
My grandmother. A noble woman with great intelligence. Someone who i have known almost all my life. Someone who had brought me up ever since i firstly laid my feet onto Earth. And to see her fighting for her life at the hospital is really a heart wrenching sight for me. Why her?
I know i should just let her go peacefully, instead grasping onto her hoping that she will open her eyes and smile down at me the next day. But i can't help it. I can't imagine a life without the most significant person in my life who has been playing a very big role in my life. I can't accept the fact that someone who has been living on Earth for the past eighty years vanish all of a sudden. I can't accept it at all!
I'm feeling so many things within myself. Fear, anxiety, nervousness.... Should i be selfish and encourage her to hang on or should i just ask her to let go of her soul and rest peacefully? This is something i will never ever be able to answer...
Music Overload
Thinking Cap
If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?
The bitch
Khairunnisa Elias
31.08.1988
19
Jam that Jukebox
