Saturday, January 27, 2007, 11:32 AM
I feel like suffocating whenever i'm with someone as of late. I just don't know the reason why.
So for now isolation is my favourite past time. Solitude is my friend.
I've been thinking alot recently. Alot. About so many things which i feel that they don't even require my concern.
Sigh, i think i'm going nuts. I don't know. But somehow i like it. The idea of going crazy is actually getting to me. Maybe it'll be better for everyone.
Well at least they'll stay away from me. And i'll get what i want- Solitude.
You know how mentally ill patients make everyone spurn them. It'll be the same case with me if i go crazy.
I wonder what my life will turn out to be if my parents find out about my absence in class. Definitely not happy. Disappointed i guess.
You know what puzzle me? I'm invisible to everyone. Not completely. But more of partial invisible? I know i don't make sense, but whatever. I'm just going random here.
I just don't know whether to be happy or sad, now that people see through me. After all, who am i?
Haha, no one of importance. It's not as if people will keep notice of me anywhere. Which is a good thing i guess. This is what i want after all.
I want to be delusional. I want to be a figment. An illusion.
Or can i actually rule my own life? Like maneuver the path of my life? Can i fight against fate?
ROFL! What am i blabbering?! Fighting against fate? Before the battle starts, i already know i'm fighting in a losing battle.
Fate is the mistress of our destinies. So why bother fighting which is already written for you right?
I don't know why am i wasting my time spouting nonsense here. Haha, it's not like everyone's gonna read my stupid entry.
You know what i feel like doing right now? No, you don't?
It's ok i'll tell you. I feel like banging my fists on my keyboard till it breaks. I feel like thrashing my laptop. Why? I'm not sure myself. Probably because there's too many things in my mind which i want to write it down, but not succeeding. You know for the first time in my life, i feel like hurting myself. Like you know how my sister used to slit her wrist? Something like that. I don't think i would want to use the pen knife. It gives me the jitters. Maybe like biting myself? Or pinching myself? Probably till i cry. I so wanna cry. Haha i feel i've been doing that alot recently. Like crying. And i like it. I think. And you know what i yearn for nowadays? I want to be free like the birds in the sky. I want to fly. Not in the plane or something you know, i mean literally flying. Fly soooo high that i don't want to return back here.
And you know what? I believe being on your own is the best. Don't look up to someone. You'll be greatly disappointed most of the days. Really! I've been there! And you know what? I want to go to a flower field where i can scream out loud till i collapse out of exhaustion.
And you know what? I want to be in a dream where i will forget all the people i know right now. Plus my family. You know, like starting afresh??
And you know what? My fingers are itching to type something sensible, but to know avail. AND YOU KNOW WHAT?! I HATE MY LIFE NOW. I HATE MY LIFE NOW. I HATE EVERYONE I KNOW. EVERYONE. E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
YES ALL OF YOU! THE STUPID PATHETIC PEOPLE WHO ARE KNOWN AS MY FUCKED UP FRIENDS!
MY SCREWED UP FAMILY!
BASICALLY EVERYONE!
Scratch everything i've written before the last phrase. I'm just fucking hell irritated for God knows why.
Fuck, i'm really going crazy. And i'm just going to let get to me. I'm succumbing to the world of madness.
Welcome Khairunnisa Elias
Music Overload
Thinking Cap
If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?
The bitch
Khairunnisa Elias
31.08.1988
19
Jam that Jukebox
