Saturday, March 03, 2007, 11:28 AM
I'm at the national library right now, researching for FYP. Seriously FYP is getting up on my nerves. Researching and crap. Sigh. Why did i ever take a science course?I've been feeling really down these days. Ok, 'feeling down' isn't really an appropriate word i guess. I'm not really upset or whatsoever. Just a little stressed up with my life and things.Family circumstance is not getting good. I'm kind of afraid something big will happen to my family which graudually might break us all up.Not that i'm not expecting it.But i don't want it to happen. Mom thinks i'm anticipating it. Heh, if only she knows.Of course, come to think about it, i don't really blame her. I blame myself for not telling her what i feel and what i think. Curse my pride for that.I'm still having my hols. But it's nothing like i expect it to be. Probably it was in the first few days, but it isn't now. I don't know what's to be blamed. FYP, work or simply myself.FYP is kind of fun actually even though it's putting me in great pressure. The topic my friends and i are doing is interesting and challenging. Something which suits my taste. I guess the topic is the one which gets me doing research and meeting my friends for discussion. I'm really really tired of working nowadays. Tired is not exactly implying physically, but more of emotionally and mentally. There's too many things in my mind as of late. Things to think about which actually drains my energy out of me. No Chin Hoe, you're wrong when you say i'm physically, mentally and emotionally strong. I'm too weak as of now.I think i'm going to resign.Besides FYP really needs alot of work to do. I will have to put my undivided attention to it in the near future which means i require more time. Working in 7/11 takes alot of my time sadly. Not that i dread working there or something but it's just a matter of valuable time which is at stake at the moment (especially when it affects my studies).I can't possible keep my cake and eat it at the same time. One has got to lose something in order to gain another. Sigh, this means i will have to sacrifice something, in this case, my working life.Unless i can come up with a solution.But let's think of that later. Right now all i need is some peace of mind. But like i said a few months back, i won't get it as long as i still am in Singapore.Seriously i need a break from everyone around me. I wish all of them could just vanish from my life. Ok that doesn't sound right. Let me rephrase it:I wish i could just vanish from their lives. If only i could erase their memories all about me. It would be most appropriate. I kind of want to live my again. Anew.Sad to say, we're only given once to live our lives. And when you do something wrong in the past, you can't correct them. Sigh. I guess this is what they call 'Fate'."I didn't know you are facing problems after problems. You don't look like one who's having problem. Geez, Khai i really admire you for your courage in handling them," one told me sometime back. But i find those words ironic.I'm not courageous, i'm a coward. What you see is just a facade which hides my true self.
Music Overload
Thinking Cap
If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?
The bitch
Khairunnisa Elias
31.08.1988
19
Jam that Jukebox
