Thursday, February 21, 2008, 9:09 PM
I'm feeling a little uneasy for a while now. I don't even know why. Is something bad going to happen or am i simply paranoid? I seriously don't know.
And because of this uneasiness, i can't seem to focus my attention elsewhere without my mind needing to remind me of the butterflies in my stomach and the erratic pace of my heartbeat. Why is it am i feeling this way?
Heh, suddenly i wished i could turn to someone and talk. To say something.
But of course to talk to someone means, to show my weakness. And it's not something i could tolerate. After all i've never told my problems to all my friends.
I mean i do tell my problems to my trustworthy friends but not the critical ones. They have always been minor, something that could be solved when i'm calm.
All of my friends see me as the happy go lucky girl who cares nuts for the world around her. They see me as someone they can depend on when they need a few good advices and someone who is confident in herself with no fear for the society.
Lol, it seems i do a good job of deceiving every one around me ain't i?
No one has ever known my true feelings. No one knows that certain actions or tasks i carry out have a purpose behind it. No one, not even my family members.
Of course i've always been the indifferent and seemingly heartless whenever some bad events take place at home. But none of them would have known that i think of how i can help. Not that i want them to know either.
The last thing i need is for them to look at me sceptically at my sudden willingness to help. Or receive some words of love from my parents. Well that's one of the things i despise. I know they love me, they've shown me and i don't find it necessary for them to say it verbally.
When my close friends ask me what plans i have for the future, all i answered them is, "I don't find it necessary to plan." I still could remember shock written on their faces.
Well what would you know. I do have plans. I do know what i want for the future and what would be my setbacks. But i don't find it necessary to discuss it now in the present. Because there's no point just saying it out but doing nothing about it.
I am someone who finds it difficult to convey her feelings to someone. Be it good or bad.
And seriously i find this entry meaningless. Nothing made sense out of this.
Well then be it.
Music Overload
Thinking Cap
If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that, in those few days, women behave the most like the way men behave all month long?
The bitch
Khairunnisa Elias
31.08.1988
19
Jam that Jukebox
